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So Friday I finally got my first bit of my "prize" for loosing the weight. Some of you may remember when I started this I said that when I hit certain weights (190 being the first) that I would start a tattoo process.
Since I've been "hanging out" at 181, I finally was able to save the first scraps to start the piece for 190. Interestingly enough I choose an artist in town who's work I really like. The only thing that makes me feel creepy about it- is that she is a relative of a friend (I had no clue, as my first intro was to a friend's back piece she did) and then the other creepy thing was how many of the people I know have gone to her O.o talk about making a person feel like a stalker... but I will just chalk it up to her being that good ;) lol.
What the concept was is woodsy, floral, and feminine while not discounting other aspects of my personality. The full piece will travel my entire left side (again as weight changes occur and finances allow) loosely following an acupuncture channel. I spent sometime very poorly discussing this with her, and then at our second meeting brought in a bunch of pictures of what I like and don't like in tattoos.
The final product will be what I call "kitchy" and not nearly as serious as I would have had it, but in all honestly and truth it is very much how I am. See I would never have chosen it because it seems to be a little to "cute Goth" and I have never thought of myself as such, and given that I like those things so much- made me start thinking about how we come across and behave. Both can be identical while outwardly appearing to be different. This tattoo in many ways fuses all the different aspects together, cute, dark, whimsical, fun, yet over all a serious piece in how bold it is. I suppose it is just a little like myself if I allow the thought to cross my mind.
That is fine if you want your day in court, actually that will work out for me as then the simple definitions of what is needed to be done with this will be drawn.
I am amazed at how petty people can be when they read something the wrong way, and can't take the time to read what is actually written to see that we're both asking for the same thing- the only difference is I want mine in writing and not just to be "understood".
Once the total is given to me, it will be my primary focus of payment as frankly you aren't worth the loss of sleep or stress. Moving onwards, a little beaten and still I'm here- that will not change. Hopefully some professionalisim is found, and soon.
is a swift kick to the arse. Given that is completely unprofessional- what you will get is more money from me, my mouth staying shut and I will NEVER EVER trust you again. Frankly with all of this, I am not likely to trust anyone again.
But professionally I can't say that. So here it goes into a journal where no one really understands what I'm saying because no one here knows the players. And even saying it here, does make me feel mucho better. Now if I can simply just be left alone instead of having to deal with your unpleasant emails at 10:30pm and 8am. Is your drunk ass up all night trying to respond to me? Well know this I write my response in about 5 minutes I'm so pissed off when I get the message.
Now that this vent has been done. I am done- at least I will now go back and forget about you and your negative being. I simply will not allow you to bring me down. See I know what you want, you want me to be like you- petty and small. I will not honor your wish, simply because the bottom line is that I have no wish for ill for you because I know your actions will repeat this same senario with another person in the future. It will happen, and I will have nothing to do with it.
I however am still working on myself and I happen to know that I will do better and I will move on, because what you hurt was simply the mold, and to say that you've made me stronger is an understatement. I learn from what happens to me, and when I'm able I attempt to make changes so that I do not repeat things exactly, I alter them and keep moving forward.
Time for me to put my money where my mouth is. Cheers.
I was just added by a friend who “dumped” me 20 years ago for:
1. not being “cool” enough
2. seeming to have no direction in life
3. simply because she liked to stomp on my ego at the time
I don’t think she realizes how harsh or hurtful her words were to me then. Ironically I don’t hold any of it against her as it set off a chain reaction that had me looking seriously at what I was creating for my life, and what I really wanted. At the time her very religious family was having their parents divorce, which was truly horrid if you knew them. My mother was dating a man who was beating her, and my baby brother. To say we were both traumatized in our own ways is a complete understatement.
Yet she and I were raised on the same values of family and love. I am curious to see if she talks to me more than just a casual hello on Facebook, but I will understand if she does not. Simply I am so thankful for the connection to see she is doing well and that she now has some of the things I know that were so very important when we were little.
She was my best friend from the age of 4 until I was 17, she knows a very different me, one that watched and followed. I used to look up to her in so many ways- now, well I’m just me and I don’t know how we’ll jive. But even this brief glance somehow brings the past to a close. One where I am truly content for my life and what I’ve done in lights of how someone assumed I would turn out. To say I did not travel the expected path would be a major understatement. But then again, I simply go where I feel I need to be and that is not something that anyone else can feel or see.
Today it makes me so grateful for the human spirit and condition, we are that change- all we have to do is have a little faith.
Last night when dancing I made a comment that I didn't know some of the music that was being played from my youth, "it's because I spent too much time listening to the Cure and Depeche Mode" and I'm remembering why these songs resonated so deeply with me, because it was my core they spoke to. The part of myself that I must remain true to if I am to maintain my sense of purpose and self.
Here is to intuitively knowing who I wanted to be, and taking the steps- even the ones I take right now that bring me closer to this goal.
"The grabbing hands, grab all they can. All for themselves, after all it's a competitive world. Everything counts in large amounts."
There is truth in how people behave, and in that truth there is another option offered and it is just a matter of our knowing what is important and what we wish to accomplish with our time here.
Everything does count in large amounts, but sometimes it is the smaller aspects that equate long term to the large amounts. You are the sum of your actions.
YAY client I've been working with for several months FINALLY did something I suggested when they first saw me... now they are back to where we got them prior. Basically when I first started to see them the Acupuncture helped, and really decreased the pain, however I really felt there was still a spinal issue that required seeing a chiropractor. Due to a bad experience in past, this client was not open to that at the time. Now since in the past week the pain went back to pre-seeing me the client listened and now is back on track... YAY!
Means I won't see them for a while but damnit I'm in this to make it so people don't have to see me, and frankly several months is way longer than I'm used to... so YAY I'm very excited for this client and woooo to my instincts still being on the ball :D
I got an email yesterday. It seems that my replacement has already quit. Just 3 months she lasted, and she lasted that long because she was lied to at first about how "easy" the job was.
Worst part is, I now have to go into to work and listed to the person who's fault it is, go on about how it's other people's fault, we did this not her. My resisdency is not complete yet- paying for my dog took that money plus a big cushion I'm used to having.
I'm stepping into what could be world war 3 this morning and I'm simply dreading it. Time to shift gears and prepare...
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